


The Camera Crew

by singing_to_shipwreck (shocked_into_shame)



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, i made up characters for the camera crew, mockumentary style, there's an easter egg in the camera crew!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23941318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/pseuds/singing_to_shipwreck
Summary: Prompt:  the camera crew's take on Nandor & Guillermo's (dysfunctional) developing relationship
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 179





	The Camera Crew

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to emmalily on tumblr for this prompt! I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you enjoy (:

“Okay, yeah, this  _ is _ kind of weird,” Brian admits in a thick Staten Island accent as he adjusts himself in front of the camera, gripping his clipboard tightly. He is sitting on the front steps of the mansion. “Now I can see why Guillermo is so awkward about it all the time. Where should I look? Right at the lens?” 

There’s laughter from behind the camera. “Fuck off, Miranda,” he smirks. “Okay. So. My name is Brian, and I’m the producer of this crazy-ass documentary you’ve been watching. Behind that camera is Miranda,” he gestures and the shot twists around. Half of a red haired woman’s face appears selfie style, and she smiles widely at the lens. 

“And behind Camera 2 is Ricky.” Miranda turns her camera on the other camera man, whose face is mostly covered behind a Yankees cap. He waves. 

“And finally, on the most dangerous job of all is Katie, who so graciously took over after our original boom mic operator was killed. You saw it.” Katie leans down into the frame, making a funny face. 

“So what are we doing? Why are we filming ourselves and not the vampires? Uh,” his eyes flit to Miranda behind the camera. “Well, maybe it’s easier if we just show you. Come on, let’s go inside.” 

Brian gets up and opens the big wooden doors to the house and the camera follows him. Guillermo steps into the hallway and gives Brian a strange look before glancing at the camera. “You’re in the shot, Brian,” Guillermo whispers, trying to be inconspicuous about it. He is very much audible to the mic. 

“I know! We are trying something new tonight.” 

“Oh…” Guillermo says awkwardly, giving the camera a side-eye. “This is different. ” 

Brian claps his hands and Guillermo nearly jumps. “Okay, why don’t you wake up Nandor now? I’ll go back to being behind the camera if it makes you feel more comfortable.” 

“Sure. I can do that!” Guillermo smiles and adjusts his glasses before walking to Nandor’s room and opening the door with a creak. He walks over to the massive coffin and knocks on it gently. “Good morning, master. Time to wake up.”

“Good morning, Guillermo,” Nandor calls out from inside the coffin weakly, and a small smile develops on Guillermo’s face. 

“I’m going to open your coffin now, okay?”

“Okay.”

Guillermo heaves open the coffin with an audible breath, and Nandor comes into view, eyes still closed as he lays among the furs inside of his coffin. “Are you alright, master?”

“Yes. I’m just still a little tired.” Nandor whines, rubbing at his face with his hands groggily.

“I can let you sleep for a few more minutes, master. How much longer would you like to sleep?”

“Maybe wake me again in a half an hour?” 

“Okay, master,” Guillermo replies affectionately, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the lip of the coffin. “It’s a little chilly in here. Would you like me to get you another blanket?”

“No…” Nandor yawns and a small, sleepy smile settles on his face. He weakly reaches out and touches Guillermo’s forearm, looking like he’s drifting back to sleep already. 

The second his hand comes into contact with his familiar’s arm, Guillermo jumps back like he’s been electrocuted. Nandor’s eyes fly open, he jolts his hand away like he’s only now realizing what he’s done, and immediately sits up, staring at the camera warily. 

“I changed my mind. I’m ready to wake up now.” 

* * *

“So, as you can see,” Brian whispers into the camera from a quiet corner of the house. “That was fucking weird. They’ve been doing this shit for  _ weeks _ . Ever since that curse shit. It’s painful. It actually pains me to watch this shit. Now, I'm a documentary maker. I don't like to meddle. This is supposed to be a naturalistic piece, but...”

“They’re obviously in love,” Ricky supplies from behind the camera.

“Right! Obviously. I know that. You know that. We all know that,”

“Yes,” Nadja says from out of frame, and the camera spins to her. She is holding her doll and nodding stoically. “Yes, it is clear that Nandor and Gizmo have feelings for each other.”

“What should we do?” 

“Oh, no, darling,” she says seriously, looking at the camera and squinting. “You cannot interfere with that! It is up to them to get their heads out of their asses.” 

Brian sighs dramatically. Nadja makes a face and supplies, “Well, maybe you could nudge them along a little.”

* * *

“Really? You want us to do a talking head together?” Guillermo questions, standing behind the couch. “You’ve never asked us to do one of those before.”

“We have Nadja and Laszlo do talking heads together all the time,” Katie supplies, holding steady on the boom mic. 

Nandor makes a face at her. “But Nadja and Laszlo are married. We are not married.”

Brian clears his throat from behind the camera. “No, we know! But we thought it might be interesting to interview you together.” 

“Okay,” Nandor acquiesces suspiciously, long teeth on display. 

“So, Guillermo, why don’t you take a seat on the couch next to Nandor?”

Guillermo nods and sits down, keeping a full foot of room between him and his master. Nandor seems suddenly fascinated with his lap. 

“You’ll have to scoot in a little bit, guys. We do these with a pretty tight shot so you’ll need to be practically on top of each other to both be in the frame.” 

In their current position, they are both in the frame with room to spare. Guillermo sends a suspicious look to the camera but nods again and shifts a little closer. Nandor scoots over ever-so-slightly, and they are pressed up against each other, thighs and shoulders touching. 

Nandor looks like he’s going to jump out of his skin. A deep flush has settled on Guillermo’s cheeks. 

“What do you want us to talk about?” Guillermo asks. 

“How about you tell us about how you first met?”

“Well,” Nandor begins, looking off to the side like he’s watching it happen all over again. “I was out and about in Staten Island when little Guillermo… He was only a young thing then. How old were you? 30?” 

Guillermo frowns. “I’m 30 now, master… I was only 19 then.”

“Only 19!” Nandor exclaims, eyebrows furrowing. He looks shaken by the realization. “Wow, you were quite young.”

“Naive,” Guillermo supplies. Nandor makes a face. “When I saw Nandor, I knew he was a vampire. I just knew it. So I started… well…”

“Stalking me around the city.”

“I was going to say I  _ followed _ him, but yes. I guess you could call it stalking as well. Finally I gathered up the courage to knock on the door of this house and ask him to turn me into a vampire.”

Nandor scoffed. “I told him that wasn’t possible, of course. But I offered to make him my familiar instead.”

“So I quit my job at Panera Bread,” Guillermo trails off. “I was going to take some night classes, too. Maybe get a business degree. But, you know, that didn’t happen,” Guillermo looks down sadly and his shoulders slump. Nandor looks down guiltily. 

Guillermo moves to rest his hand on his knee. It brushes against Nandor’s leg and the vampire looks at his hand, mouth slightly agape. Nandor shifts over slowly so his own hand is on his knee, and their pinky fingers touch. 

Guillermo’s face morphs from sadness to a surprise, and Nandor is making a face that looks like he’s disgusted. The camera crew has grown to learn it just means he feels uncomfortable. 

Nandor stares down at him. Guillermo supplies, weakly, “But that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m happy here.”

“You are?” Nandor breathes out in a whisper. 

Guillermo looks up at him, eyes wide behind his glasses. “Yes, master. I’m happy here.”

“Why?” Brian blurts, startling them. They both jump and move their hands away from each other, turning sharply toward the camera. 

Miranda mutters, "So much for a naturalistic piece" from behind the camera. 

Brian sends her a dirty look before continuing, “Frankly, these vampires treat you like shit. Why are you happy here, Guillermo?” 

“Well…” Guillermo begins, pursing his lip. He sits in silence for a moment before offering, simply, “Nandor’s here.” 

Nandor’s frown deepens and he stands up suddenly, the camera following him as he walks across the room. “Okay, talky head time is over!” 

“Talking head,” Guillermo clarifies on instinct. 

Nandor’s mouth opens to say something, but then he shuts it quickly and turns to leave the room. 

“Well…” Guillermo supplies awkwardly. “I hope you guys got some usable footage out of that.” 

* * *

“This is frustrating,” Miranda explains, brushing her bangs away from her face and leaning against the big tree in the front yard. “We had something good going! They were nearly holding hands! But then Brian with his big fucking mouth.”

“Hey! Watch it!” Brian insists playfully from behind the camera. “Who writes your checks?”

“Not you, bitch! You don’t even pay me! Anyways, like I was saying. Before Brian opened his big mouth, it really looked like something was going to happen.” She frowns. “I don’t know what else we can do.”

Nadja shows up seemingly out of nowhere again. “You nudged, yes?” she asks, over-enunciating. “I do think your nudging worked!” she explains gleefully, gesturing toward the house. “You need to go see what’s happening in the fancy room!” She claps her hands, smiling maniacally. 

The camera crew rushes into the house, before settling into an awkward angle outside of the fancy room so as not to be seen. Nandor and Guillermo are standing by the fireplace, talking intensely. Katie leans the boom mic in slightly. 

“I don’t understand why you’re suddenly so worried about me being happy here, master.” 

“I didn’t think about how young you were when you came here, Gui-eermo. You had the job studying the history of pans,” 

“Panera Bread.”

“Yes, exactly. The history of the bread pans. And you were going to go to university! I didn’t know that.”

“Nandor…” Guillermo sighs before catching himself and clearing his throat. “Master. I knew what I was choosing when I decided to become your familiar.”

“You know you are not a hostage here, Guillermo.” 

“I know that, master.” 

“If you are not happy…” Nandor looks crestfallen. 

“Master.” Guillermo looks up at him seriously before taking a breath. He begins to reach forward for Nandor’s face, his hand hovering in the air, asking for permission.  Nandor looks conflicted, his face pinched. Guillermo murmurs, “There’s no cameras here, master. Just you and me.”

The camera spins to Brian who looks at the lens guiltily before shoving the camera away and back to the action. 

Nandor’s jaw tightens and he looks stern. Resolute. He grabs the back of Guillermo’s hand, pulling it close and nuzzling his bearded chin into his palm with a sigh. “ _ Master… _ ” Guillermo breathes out in surprise, trailing off before he can finish his thought. 

He moves his hand from Nandor’s face to his hair, brushing at it lightly with his fingertips. 

Nandor stares down at him with intense eyes. “You are a good familiar, Guillermo.”

“Thank you, master.” 

“And a good…  _ friend _ . To me.” Nandor’s voice has lowered to a whisper.

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo repeats, matching his volume. 

Nandor continues to look at him intensely as Guillermo’s fingers card through his hair. They begin to lean into each other, their eyes closing and lips parting as they get closer. Finally, they meet somewhere in the middle, mouths brushing together lightly. 

“ _A-choo!_ ” 

They jump away from each other, turning toward the doorway with wide eyes. 

“What the _fuck_ , Brian!” 


End file.
